Definition of Hero

Dearest Mom,

It seems as though thoughts and time are continuous streams in my life. Time is a runaway train and I often wonder at missed opportunities, loves lost and found, and the strength of persistence.  Persistence is continuing on, sadly watching all those missed opportunities pass by and hoping that in the end it will have been worth the sacrifice.

As for thoughts.  I can best describe it as a television with the channel changer in the hands of an explorative 2-year old.  Images flash by from the past, from the present, dreams and goals.  Sometimes it is hard to focus anything at all except the book in front of me.  But sometimes, a thought coalesces that is so overwhelming that even time stops and I experience the full breadth of emotion.

And that was this morning.  I was parking and just had this most wonderful feeling of you.  The admiration of your drive and persistence through life is a beaming example of what I admire most in the human spirit.  More frequently, I am seeing people who simply give up wherever they are in life.  They say things like, "That's fate," or, "God wills it."  They fail to see that, if it's fate, then if you persist, you can overcome it.  And if we believe in a loving God, then He never wants to see us fail.  There may be challenges he places before us, but those challenges are meant to help us achieve our highest potential.  They are not to place us in doldrum from which we can never escape.  Those are choices we make for ourselves.

We have known each other for such a short time in the general scheme of time, but I feel as though I have witnessed your hardships in that stream of thoughts I spoke of.  And I have watched as you gallantly pulled on your hip-waders and trudged through the muck that had been placed before you.  And every time I have witnessed these scenes, I have only loved you more.  You are the best to which the human spirit can aspire.  And I just wanted to say that I hope that spirit continues to burn in me through whatever trials await me in life.

The Purpose of Man

Me: Mankind has forgotten its purpose.

Cameron: What is its purpose?

Me: To live and to die. All the materialistic stuff in between--the cars, the money, the big houses--are irrelevant in that context.

Expounding.

One who is a samurai must before all things keep constantly in mind the fact that he must die, that is his chief business...excesses will be avoided if he keeps death constantly in mind. [quote and cite].

What do I hope to accomplish in my life? For my death to have meaning. While that may, at first hand, seem morbid, I see it as the most optimistic outlook a man can have. 

Buy Bonds

Remember Flags of Our Fathers? Do you remember the scene where the General is talking to Ryan Philipe's character about how close America was to losing the war because of a lack of funds?

I haven't watched the movie anytime recently, not since I was in Iraq as a matter of fact, but I have been thinking about our extensive national deficit. I don't know the truth, and I'm not an economist so I won't research it, but I have been told that the 160 Billion dollars that funded the stimulus (deployed Soldiers didn't get a stimulus by the way) was in turn funded by the sale of bonds, generally purchased by foreign countries, such as China. That applies to the "supplemental" war funding, as well.

So, if you haven't thought of it, look at it this way. There you are, in the grocery store. You're buying your eggs, milk, and tomatoes (sans salmonella). When you check out, you are shocked to see that the cost of your groceries exceeds the amount in your checking account. Unperturbed, you open the wallet and remove the favorite credit card, swipe it through the doo-hickey, and out you go with groceries in arm. Now, you understand that you have just been given a loan by a bank. On that loan, you will pay an interest rate (provided you don't pay back within the grace period), maybe 8-15%, 21-33% if your credit is really poor.

Now here's the kicker. Your a lower income family member, whose other 12 credit cards are maxxed out and who is barely making minimum payments as it is. You do not have adequate income to do any more against your rising debt. What can you do?

The foreign countries buying our national bonds to fund the stimulus and the war on terror, both noble causes, are the banks of the 12 maxxed out credit cards. The low-income job that we have, well, that is the national gross domestic product that has reached its limits until we raise taxes again. And those minimum payments? I don't even want to know what we pay in interest each month. But to be sure, at some point, these "banks" are going to want their money and are not going to accept "good will" as payment.

As I observe more, I start to see entire fields of opportunity for civic
ethics teachers to field discussions. This is MY country and, in the
affectionate terms of an Army leader, I am responsible for all that my
country does and fails to do. If you don't believe that, try going to
Iraq or Afghanistan, where a Soldier is held accountable for all the deeds of those
prior to him.

For my own part, I am starting an I bond and an EE bond today to invest in America.

(Jeez, did that sound like a commercial, or what?)

The Cost of an Apple

There are a great number of things on my mind today. From the sermon this morning (Parable of the sower: Mt 13 ) to thoughts on the way home. Somehow, they are connective, one to the other, though the meandering path my thoughts take are often a surprising mystery, even to me.

What is the cost of an apple? I think we just paid about $4 for a 3-pound bag. A gallon of gas is also $4. A meal at Sonic is $5. What is the relevance?

It was actually just an observation as I shoveled a Sonic Jr Burger down my maw. One of those "Priceless" commercials, if you will. I paid $5 for crap that is horrible for me and has been shown to shorten my lifespan, when I could have eaten an apple or two and been about my business. Additionally, it took about $4 in gas to get there (around 16-18 miles to the gallon). So $9 for the juicy burger that is hardening my arteries as I sit here and type.

About 4 apples would have produced the same "full" sensation, so maybe $2 in apples to accomplish the $9 value of the burger, and yet, remain healthy for me. But that was not the original thought from which the others were derived. Instead, it was something like this...

Have you ever been really hungry? (Those graduating Ranger school can appreciate this.) I once saw a guy sign a $75 promissory note for the priviledge of licking a fellow Ranger's wrappers after he was done eating. A can of Copenhagen could get you $100 on a bad day half way through the 10-day Florida patrol. I carried cardboard from my MRE in my jacket pocket and would eat the whole box during the course of a patrol.

I wouldn't pay a counterfeit coin for a gallon of gas in Ranger School. But I'd gladly have paid $100 for the chocolate mint brownie (which is NOT pleasant, I might add); maybe more. Isn't it curious then that we are willing to pay more for novelties than for necessities? $1,500 for a purse vs. 75 cents for an apple. I pray we continue to have the luxury of this skewed priority.

What is the cost of an apple?

Dilatory tactics in Congress?

filibuster: the use of extreme dilatory tactics in an attempt to delay or prevent action, especially in a legislative assembly
dilatory: 1. tending or intended to cause delay; 2. characterized by procrastination

Fuel prices are up 400 percent since 2001(big oil reports record profits to the tune of 40 Billion dollars). Food prices are skyrocketing. Whether global warming exists or not, we have about 30 years of fossil fuels remaining. Water sources are becoming contaminated. Desertification. Racial tension. The War on Terror. Nuclear proliferation in irresponsible countries. Health Care.

These are significant problems that are most significantly affecting Americans within the lower socio-economic tier, the lower 90 percentile. Knowing the impact of these problems, one would think that Congress would quickly enact solutions to improve the quality of life for its constituency. So why haven't we seen these solutions? Why do we see endless debate that only highlights our representatives' awareness of our quality of life while doing little to effect solutions?

Perhaps it would be better to ask, "Who among us is voting?" Our representatives are apathetic because they know that we have forgotten the premise of our democratic system, that the true power to effect change isn't with the representatives, but with us - in our VOTE.

Good Intentions

So, I was sitting here writing into my fitness blog, which we won't get in to. I had a thought about all the things we say we're going to do. It almost seems like a cliche to develop New Year's resolutions that will change our lives:

I am going to quite smoking/drinking
I am going to work out 5 times a week

only to shrug the resolution within a short span of time (a week in most cases) and determine to do it next year.

While in Iraq, I learned that there was a difference between what one intends to do and what one has done or is doing. The latter has much more significance. Granted, a plan of short-range events is often a good way to get oneself situated and oriented on a distant, long-range goal. (Business practices call it a plan of action.)

However, it is much more significant to create good habits through repetitious behavior. Even in small steps, a definitive action is worth more than all the good intentions combined.

As an example, my fitness blog is listed as Day one, two... and resets whenever I miss a day. I am looking at the number of consecutive days of having performed this particular habit as a reminder, tomorrow, that it isn't just another day.

Civil Reconstruction Corps

In reading on FDR, I came upon the Civil Conservation Corps. I wonder how many of my generation or later are even familiar with FDR, let alone, his practices. I bring it up because Jessica bought the book for me in June 07 while I was on R&R. In my opinion, the New Deal is like a bible for counterinsurgency. Notice, there is no dialog for fighting, though FDR was no doubt a political warlord not to be trifled with.

No, the key to winning a counterinsurgency is NOT in how many you kill, but how many you save. Insurgents illuminate dissatisfaction with the government and agitate that dissatisfaction to the point of confrontation. The population, therefore, is the "key terrain" - using military jargon - of an effective counterinsurgency.

It is for that reason that I ponder the idea of a civil reconstruction corps. Engineers, farmers, general contractors, and scientists (to name only a few) who are contracted by the US government, not to build American forward operating bases, but to provide critical reconstruction assets and training to indigenous peoples. In other words, engineers and general contractors guide the construction of newer, more efficient, power stations. Scientists guide initial research into solar and wind generation systems. Architects and contractors teaching safer housing and public building construction. And agricultural people teaching the principle of sound, sustainable agriculture.

My personal goal is to return to Iraq and make a difference in the lives of the friends I left in Doura by influencing Iraqi agricultural practices. I have also started to think about a consortium of sorts with other specialists that might contribute to a better Iraq.
That, of course, funnels right into a business idea related to the Blackwater team. Instead of running around blowing stuff up, the company's teams would specialize in reconstruction. Of course, in the interest of self preservation, I do believe that some martial training would be mandatory, as would a degree of physical prowess. Something to consider later.

Learn something simple

I am reading an article on the history of Zionist agriculture practices. While thinking on a passage, a premise dawned on me: learn something simple. In fact, it might be better stated to master something simple. My Dad's apocalyptic "riddle of man" (Can you survive if everything you knew were to suddenly disappear?) has spawned much of my reading in the past.

It also challenged me to eventually become an attentive and deliberate student. I am not good at rote learning, as I get bored with repetition and my mind starts to wander. However, if I become interested, then I will assign mnemonic and imagery to aid in understanding, not memorization.

And so, on mastering something simple, I have elected composting. Encouraged by my time in Sinai and Iraq, I see a rational practice that can aid in agriculture while at the same time keeping homesteads sanitary. I have also started looking at the enormous water towers of my youth with awe. In Iraq, if the electricity goes out, so does the water. Why? Each house in Iraq has a water pump. I don't know about the rest of the region, or even Europe. However, as essential as water is in Arabia, I should think the adoption of water plants, perhaps solar powered, would add greatly to the quality of life of the Iraqi people.

Had I known the simplicity of water towers, perhaps I could have started an initiative while I was there. But that was not the case. As it is, should I ever return, I would be interested in the construction of such a project.

Prayer through St Francis

Most Blessed Saint Francis, steward of the earth and of the natural order

The Lord, our God, placed us into Eden to cultivate and to guard his creation. Because of our disobedience, we were sent from the blessed garden to till the land and live through the sweat of our brow. We continue to deny the delicate balance that God, in his wisdom, set into place with technologies that foster sloth and gluttony and threaten to destroy all life.

In humility, I ask that my efforts are contrary to these practices and that I do not take from the earth any more than I give to her. Allow my hands to dig deep into rich earth and provide abundant nutrients to the soil. Let me nurture my crops with the heart of a loving father. And if the earth is satisfied with my sacrifice of effort, let her give me a harvest that is sufficient to provide for my family and my neighbors, so that none might go hungry.

Compassionate Saint, let my efforts work in harmony with the needs of the earth to nurture fertile lands that will continue to produce foods for all the generations to come.

I ask this through the Holy Spirit and the glory of God, the Father. Amen.

Today's First Reading

References:

Deuteronomy 8: 1-10

Enya, Pilgrim

"Remember how the Lord, your God led you on this long journey through the desert these past forty years, sending hardships to test you..."

I sat transfixed on the reader's every word, hoping I would not forget before I could pen my thoughts to paper, or medium. Pivotal to my feeling of enlightenment were two sentiments:

• sending hardships to test you
• the [path] you chose

It would seem that Jessica and I are facing the most challenging and stressful events in a relationship. Except, in true army fashion, these challenges are not being spaced across several years, but are in fact condensed into a single burst: moving, selling a house, finance, separation/integration, career change, death, and loss of relationships.

Typically stoic, even I am starting to exhibit emotional responses that are generally out of character. Jessica, ever patient with attempts at understanding and support, is also being overwhelmed. Which brings to light the simplest of questions: How will we face these challenges? (What will be our path?)

In my last BBC interview, I commented that we had discussed separation. Well, we talked about it once, for five minutes. Then we each acknowledged that being the furthest from our desires and the thought passed. So we started working through the problem of the time. Consequently, we came out stronger for it, as we always do. And that is the path that we are on, once again.

Moving from Colorado Springs was not on our "to-do" list after the last deployment. That's why we bought the house. However, sometimes, God breaks your eggs to see if you will make omelets or weep at the broken egg.

Jessica was able to apply to colleges other than Denver U. Consequently, a higher-tiered (better) law program from LSU quickly picked her up.

Our house didn't sell, as we'd hoped. We're going to rent it out until the market bounces back, paying the difference in the mortgage. Our equity will continue to build, we will get a tax break for the house and for Jess being a full time student, and when the house finally does sell, we should actually make the profit we were looking for, which I can apply to the purchase of a farm.

I had to leave my platoon and battalion, but now I have a stable platform at Fort Polk, with no deployments, from which to stage my retirement. I am targeting a micro-biology degree from Northwestern State University of Louisiana in Nachitoches before applying to Texas A&M for soil sciences. Texas has a veterans' clause assuring me 190 semester hours, which should get me through my PhD if I stay local, not counting my Montgomery GI Bill.

In conclusion, God challenges us to see if we are worthy of the fertile lands he has promised for our lives. If not, in our blindness, we will walk right through the promised lands, continuing to wander the desert. Or, as Enya phrased the sentiment: In  your heart you wonder, which of these is true: The road that leads to nowhere? The road that leads to you?